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Notes: 1 / 5 months ago
Sept. 24, 2011
the past weeks have been such a struggle… i’ve been playing with the idea of dropping out of med school more often, especially this week… lots of “depressing” news, down moments and /wrist feelings (and i admit a few suicidal thoughts have been in the mix too)… i’ve been questioning my capacity to stay in med school and how much i really want this and if i can keep the desire to become a doctor… i know that if it was just passion, i’d get through it.. but unfortunately, passion doesn’t get you the passing grades… it’s the brains that do… if heart were equal to intelligence then my IQ would probably get me one of the top scores.. but sadly, grades matter more than how much you want to be a doctor…
there are times i can’t help but feel so angry at how unfair things are… i see people who don’t want this as much as me do much much much better… i see people who sleep in class or not listening and don’t look like they study get higher grades… and it sucks cuz i get hardly enough sleep but still fail… i know life is unfair but that doesn’t mean i don’t get super pissed…
yesterday i made a sort of promise to myself… i’ll give myself until the removal exams at the end of the school year… if i have to take more than 3 removal exams i probably won’t continue anymore since the chances of passing more than 3 removals are like zilch for me and i don’t want to waste my parents money anymore and make them pay for me to repeat a year… if this path is meant for me, things will work out… this doesn’t mean i’m giving up… i’ll still study as hard as i can and do my best in every exam/quiz/SGD/preceptorial, etc….
i just hope i can get through the year alive… and i do mean it literally……………..
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spontaneous-sublimation posted this
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